moon child | when you look up in the sky and hope to get a reply

01 toe – two moons
02 mae – the sun and the moon
03 bruno mars – talking to the moon
04 something corporate – me and the moon
05 billie holiday – I wish on the moon
06 josé gonzález – this is how we walk on the moon
07 andrea bocelli moon river
08 angelina jordan – fly me to the moon (acoustic)

it’s one more year, one more step to the edge
still lost and alone, still unsure of my place on this earth
but I’ve learned; maybe not a lot, but I tried; maybe a tad too little
so when I look up into the sky and take a breath
and see that you’re there high up, I try to reach out for a fleeting spark
there’s no fallen star and no shards of moon
only silence and the songs about the moon people have written.

from the ashes

I’ve recently just restarted playing Dragon Age: Inquisition (DA:I), picking up where I last left off. I think it’s because I’ve started working again, and I needed something to destress with, though I don’t think I’m stressed most of the time. But it’s just because I realised I don’t have all the time in the world, and I really ought to clear all the unfinished business.

But replaying DA:I just made me remember why I never finished it in the first place, considering how much time and how many run throughs I did with Dragon Age: Origins (DA:O) and Dragon Age 2 (DA2). Though to be honest, in most of my playthroughs, I made the same major decisions most of the time because there are some things I just cannot budge on. Like, mages over templars all the freaking time. It’s not that I don’t understand the importance of the templars, but they’re terrible guardians. And it’s not like I haven’t been disappointed and betrayed by the mages, but I still sympathise with them 90% of the time.

Anyway, there are 3 main reasons why I couldn’t finish DA:I during my first run.

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here’s my ten cents, my two cents is free

Guess who’s back, back again? *sheepish wave*

It has been a while since I retreated to this corner of the internet, hasn’t it, like around half a year? Idk, I suppose I didn’t really feel like posting despite having things to talk about. But hey, I thought it was high time to come back before I stop being able to put thoughts and feelings into actual sentences, because we all know that the thoughts that flow through one’s mind move really quickly and are normally only half-formed. (Or at least that’s my experience? I tend to think in half-sentences because my mind knows what I’m trying to say without having to craft everything into proper thoughts as though I’m trying to explain something to another person outside of my mind.)

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somewhere I belong

(sorry for the tacky Linkin Park title – it’s just that I’ve been assigned a Linkin Park song for drum class a while back and it has somehow restarted my little emofest with the band. also late night ramblings up here, probably incoherent crap.)

If someone were to ask me if I like living in Singapore, I would very logically be able to make several points in the pro column:

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can we be sad for a moment? | a mixtape to be alone with

to be honest, I hope this is some sort of PMS roller coaster of hormones and emotions, and not symptomatic of a larger issue like depression or something (because hey, we self-diagnose all the time and come up with the worst case scenarios).

01 Evanescence — Bring Me To Life (piano cover)
bring me to life (I’ve been living a lie, there’s nothing inside)

02 Green Day – 21 Guns
do you know what’s worth fighting for / when it’s not worth dying for?

03 Linkin Park – Breaking the Habit
I don’t know what’s worth fighting for / or why I have to scream

04 The Rasmus – Last Waltz
I can’t explain it, I feel insecure / say it simple: “You die just to live again.”

05 Coldplay – Fix You
when you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep

06 Alan Walker ft. Iselin Solheim – Sing Me to Sleep
won’t you sing me to sleep now?

07 Ólafur Arnalds ft. Arnór Dan – For Now I am Winter
for now I am winter / lungs debut…

fear and loathing in…

I apologize for the rambling stream of consciousness below, but it was drafted out when I was tossing and turning in bed at about 2 am.

Whenever people ask me about how easily I fall asleep, my standard response is the enviable ‘oh, I fall asleep within 5 minutes of hitting the sack’ and they’d be like, ‘oh, that’s nice’ etc. But the reason why I sleep so quickly is that whenever I drag my corpse into my coffin, I’m at the brink of exhaustion, the kind where you should have gone to bed at least 3 hours earlier when your eyes were already closing on their own accord because they’re burning within your sockets and you’re this close to slumping forward and hitting your head and your table.

But if I were to sleep earlier, I’d get the tossing and turning issue and that’s not fun either, when your thoughts start to run wild and you can’t focus on anything beyond trying to shove all the unhappy things into the Box and then you start second-guessing everything that you ever knew and paranoia starts to take over.

Sidenote: A solution, or the coward’s way out really, is to think about something completely different – which is why I make up characters in my head, which is why I write stories in my mind instead of on paper, so that there is something for my mind to focus on, which will enable me to drift away midway some dashing surreal unrealistic adventure of Person A and their crazy companions. (Might also be why I am never able to imagine myself as the main character in anything. My stories can only revolve around fictitious people.)


Which leads me to thinking about The Weighing of the Heart. It’s a ceremony which occurs when you die and you’re led into the afterlife by Anubis. Osiris, ruler of the underworld and the afterlife, watches as you declare that you are innocent of wrongdoing, and then your heart is weighed against a feather, owned by the Goddess of Truth, Ma’at. If your heart is indeed lighter than the feather, you will be sent to Osiris, to continue your journey through the afterlife. Otherwise, you will get to be devoured by Ammut.

Which, let me say, is a strange thing to be thinking about when you’re trying to fall asleep and not remember everything that occurred when you were a teenager in some sort of super fast compressed flashback sequence of events, and trying to second-guess everything you thought was real – like did the people around you genuinely liked you for the person that you were or were you just deluding yourself, or were you really deserving of whatever you got or were you lying to yourself as you floated across the sea of mediocrity. Were you afraid of getting hurt, of rejection, more back then or right now? Did you even grow as a person or are you pretending that you did? Is it just the same individual, just wrapped slightly differently, in an updated packaging, but still the same terrible product inside? It’s awful in the sort of way that you start thinking you can’t trust anyone to be honest with you and that you can’t be honest with anyone else either because who knows what they really think and who knows if they’re actually making fun of you behind your back.

See, this is why I need the Box to keep all these nuisance thoughts from cluttering up my mind and destroying any semblance of relationships and connections I have with people, because I know how nuts this whole thought process is, and how it’s not healthy to be paranoid and suspicious of people who definitely don’t deserve you side-eyeing them as though they did you wrong.

Does absence make the heart grow fonder or am I already an afterthought, barely a foot-note in your increasing book of tales?

riding into battle | a mixtape of epic proportions to get things done

let’s go: blood pumping, hearts racing, into the moment of a quickest rush for our lives are brief sparks

01 Stratovarius – Requiem
(instrumental)

02 Powerwolf – We are the Wild
(we are the wild until the morning we survive / can’t stop the wild for we are born to win the fight)

03 Gloryhammer – Universe on Fire
(bring me to the holy raging power / where I find my destiny)

04 Kamelot – Wings of Despair
(conquer the silence you fear / tomorrow will not fade to black)

05 Dragonforce – Black Fire
(rise through the night sky with daylight’s desire / to be free there must be black fire)

06 Rhapsody – Emerald Sword
(for the glory the power to win the black lord / I will search for the emerald sword)

07 Hammerfall – Hector’s Hymn
(we’re haunted by fire, our spirit is now set to burn / on and on and on, the fire and the flame will burn forever)

08 Sonata Arctica – The Wolves Die Young
(this is the day when the wolves die young / they’ll never see a new midnight sun)

Despite the utter cheesiness of the lyrics, I really do love the power metal genre. There’s a lot of overused words and cliched imagery – just look at the few lyrics picked up, there’s always the theme of victory and war, in a way glorifying battles and the warrior’s way. Overused imagery includes fire (duh, just take a look at Dragonforce’s discography, I mean, every lyrics or so includes fire or something related.) and fantastical elements including dragons and swords.

However, I find the power metal genre to be extremely uplifting. Unlike the death metal counterpart, it is all about building up oneself and finding the courage within to take action. In a way, it’s a sort of positive mindset, though kind of rooted in the medieval setting of swords and sorcery.