but where do we go from here

the boss asked me earlier if I planned to renew my work contract with them…
shit. I need to start looking for better jobs, otherwise I’d be stuck in an endless loop again, and then I’ll turn old and decrepit and then just end up vanishing into a cloud of dust.

it’s not that my job sucks – I mean, it has its stressful, frustrating and terribly terribly sucky moments, but some part of me enjoys this agonizing exchange with various agencies. I might mock and get annoyed by how stupid some people are, but ultimately, I like helping them figure things out. I feel accomplished when I have managed to help people.

and I really like it when there are days I’m so free I can read 500k worth of words in a day, just sitting at my computer, scrolling and scrolling and scrolling, stopping once in a while to do some work or look attentive…

but is this all I should be doing with my life? is there nothing else that I can do?
what do I want to do, my boss asked me this, and I found myself not knowing how to reply. I said eventually that I wanted to go into research, I want to read a lot of things, present information, write papers…

staying in school was much easier, there was only one path to take, and now I’m on a cliff.


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