but all I am is smoke and mirrors

constantly in flux, the notion of reinventing everything. tearing down what you know, burning away the familiar, what I seek is the new and the now. who I was yesterday is a river I can no longer step into and who I was is irrelevant to the future self that I want my present self to transform into. metamorphosis of a sort, but it’s not stagnant or one-sided; I move like the wind, this is my breath, my invocation to the skies above. my eyes open and shut in the kiss between dawn and dark, I am awake now. now. now. the things I see are endless, like horizons across the ocean waves, they tumble over and over, they crash against each other, the sounds of cymbals in the far distance, incapable of being anything but rough and choppy. endless infinity spinning out, spiraling down and down into a gaping darkness that tries to devour everything that it can. you can’t let it take you with it, can’t let it drag you down into that same darkness. there’s no light at the end of the tunnel here, you’re gone. like the snap of a finger, like a murmur in a dream, like a half-uttered goodbye between lovers, gone. wings snap open, stretched taut, individual feathers gleam darkly in the dim light and at the next touch, they crumble to mere dust beneath your finger tips. oh so fragile, oh so delicate, they’re forgotten in the times to come. but I am here now. now. now. I am here and I am in the now.


Hermes; Jour d’Hermes Absolu

 Since the Lunar New Year is all about celebrating the spring festival, I thought Hermes’ Jour d’Hermes Absolu would be a fitting choice, as this brilliant white floral bouquet would evoke the atmosphere of spring nicely.

Comparable to Elie Saab Le Parfum, Jour d’Hermes Absolu is radiant and bright, like a beam of sunlight piercing through foggy skies. A luminous floral, with no explicit notes given, I thought the opening was almost citrus-y, a burst of sharp, tart grapefruit before it calms down to reveal its soft honeyed side. However, I wouldn’t say that this is a warm scent; it feels more as though you’re wrapping a layer of sun-warmed silk around you like a wispy cape, and the warmth is distant still.

The whole airy and fresh atmosphere seems like a Jean-Claude Ellena stylistic, though, of course I have not smelled all of his compositions, mainly some of his selected creations for Hermes. But I find it interesting how he’s able to take loud scents, like the heady white florals (jasmine, tuberose) with their indolic qualities and draw out only a light understated fragrance from them. Without a doubt, this is one of my brighter, cheerful fragrances I have in my collection, and it’s so straightforwardly uplifting and feminine.

Things I Love Thursday

More backdated posts because procrastination and real life took longer than I expected.

First up, the Lunar New Year break this year means I have a 4 day break, inclusive of the weekend. Hurrah~ Any event or occasion that gives me as much time away from way should be praised. Gods, I don’t even really care much about the money aspect, I just want to sleep in and laze around without thinking about the ungodly amount of work piling up /;_;/ But yeah, insert obligatory comment about how the holidays are all about the family and being together and bonding.

And guys, if you haven’t watched Last Week Tonight already, John Oliver does a hilarious French accent in the latest episode and it had me in stitches.


And along the lines of entertainment, I only just stumbled upon Markiplier’s Fatal Frame II: Crimson Butterfly playthrough and I’m really hoping he’ll finish this series. Cry never did finish his Fatal Frame run, so I had to resort to another Let’s Player, which did not have the same kick as Cry’s.

And after a horror game, why not chill out with some cutesy domestic cooking videos using tiny versions of everything~ Kyaa, so cute~ And so Japanese, hahahaha.


In more bad news, they might be extending my contract. Because the project took longer than they expected, which, anyone with a working brain would have expected. Everyone above the age of a primary school kid knows how ineffective and slow the bureaucracy is.

my love is like a red, red rose

Flowers fade, but a bottle of perfume? Can last longer than a relationship. (That is if you keep your bottle away from sunlight and don’t contaminate it, then yes, your perfume can outlive you – that’s why there are vintage perfumes out there, I’m not being a total cynic and saying your relationship won’t last. PS: no, it won’t. People die. Or change. Idk)

Happy Valentines’ Day, folks. Over here in my Fortress of Solitude (sorry, I’ve been reading Superman fanfic, I know, I know, super lame), I have dug up some rose perfumes I have in my arsenal and maybe next time instead of buying flowers for your girlfriend and wasting a bunch of money on a bouquet of things she’ll throw out next week, why not get her something with a longer lifespan? It’d be much more auspicious, I think.

Guerlain – Rosa Magnifica
Guerlain, I believe, requires no introduction. The Aqua Allegoria line is a continuously renewed collection that pays homage to the wonders of nature and beautiful raw materials. Delicate and cheerful fragrances that represent sweet and happy moments. Each spring, a new limited-edition Aqua Allegoria joins the four legendary permanent creations.

This house has quite the habit of discontinuing fragrances. Originally part of the Aqua Allegoria lineup, Rosa Magnifica is the lightest rose scent I have in my collection. The opening is a blast of aldehydes, which I didn’t quite like, but once the scent has settled down on my skin, the rose note here is delicate and tender, soapy almost. Sweet, but not in the gourmand way, leaning towards floral, flanked by a powdery violet and a soft iris. Rosa Magnifica might not be knocking anyone off their feet, but it’s well-constructed.

Juliette Has a Gun – Miss Charming
A niche perfume brand created by Romano Ricci, the grandson of designer Nina Ricci, Juliette Has a Gun is edgy, as compared to the rest of the brands mentioned in this post.

Juliette intrigues the world. Armed with her perfume, the Shakespearian heroine goes wild. Life is too short, and pleasures too many, says Juliette. The Gun, metaphor for the perfume, weapon of seduction, or simple accessory of bluff, essentially symbolizes the liberation of women towards men. And sometimes with a taste for revenge… But the concept is also influenced by romantism. A modern version, where reinventing couple and femininity is a constant quest.

The rose note in Miss Charming is not the soapy floral in Rosa Magnifica, this one is heady and fierce. Kurkdjian has chosen to use a Moroccan rose. The use of fruits, such as berries, make this an extremely sweet scent. At the base, you can detect a light musk, but it’s not too strong in here. Miss Charming lives up to her name, in the sense that it’s easy to wear, has a decent longevity but it’s nothing to write home about.

Personally, I want another of Kurkdjian’s rose creations – Silk Oud from his own perfume line. I remember spraying it in the shop and thinking how it was darkly seductive – bulgarian rose, oud and chamomile.

Tauer Perfumes – PHI Une Rose de Kandahar
Tauer Perfumes is an independent niche perfume house by Andy Tauer, a self-taught perfumer with a chemistry background. And for someone who had only begun his career in the perfume world so recently, Tauer has come up with some extremely brilliant creations.

Phi is a luxurious scent, inspired by a natural extract of roses produced in Afghanistan’s rose region, Nangarhar. This rose oil is extremely rare and of highest quality. Inspired by these roses, growing in a dry and rough land, Phi is a rare gem, complementing contrasting lines, rich in natural raw materials that add depth and authenticity.

PHI Une Rose de Kandahar starts off with a burst of fruit, rich and sweet and almost dusty. A mixture of apricot and bitter almonds and perhaps spice as well. Gradually we are introduced to the rose, and it’s warm, accompanied by incense and vanilla-sweetness. It should feel heavy, but strangely, it’s not, as it’s light and powdery on me. This perfume starts off strong, almost overwhelmingly so, but just as quickly it shows that it’s dispersing gently on your skin.

La Labo – Rose 31
Le Labo is quite interesting, even in the niche perfume world. Instead of seeing neat rows of perfume boxes lined up on the shelves, their approach is to hand blend all the perfumes for their customers in the shop, as they stock all the necessary oils and ingredients to recreate the perfumes according to the recipes created by the original perfumers for the various perfumes.

Rose 31, in my opinion, works as a unisex scent. The opening is sharp, astringent and woody. I suspect oud and cumin are the top notes in this perfume. This is not one of those delicate roses, all femininely sweet and lush, Rose 31 is spicy and warm and in-your-face. Slowly, it reveals a touch of citrus, rounding out this perfume slightly as the rose note emerges. This is an unexpected type of rose perfume, and I do like it quite a lot, in fact I was even considering of getting a full bottle, except it’s really kind of pricey.

Serge Lutens – La Fille de Berlin

“Beauty is the moment when you rise up. It is the moment when you pick up your head, stride through your own ruins, and climb up the mountain,” explained Lutens. “That’s La Fille de Berlin. We all have our own ruins.”

I’m usually quite biased towards Serge Lutens, and this is no different. If I’m the type of girl to have a signature scent, La Fille de Berlin might have been it. But alas I am as fickle as the wind.

Deep red liquid, like the red shade of rose petals, La Fille de Berlin opens with an explosion of rose – sweet, almost jammy, only muted down by a touch of pepper, turning it spicy and almost bitter at times. There’s also a sharp metallic tinge to the scent in general, it seems. A darker rose, I would not expect a guy to wear this, unlike Le Labo’s Rose 31. This perfume seems tame, almost cold, on the surface, in the sense that it would probably make a work appropriate scent, if your office isn’t too strict. While the opening of La Fille de Berlin is sweet, at its heart, it has spice and musk, warming the scent up as it goes along, and it’s also strong enough to last an entire day on my skin. Elegant and classy, La Fille de Berlin was the first perfume that made me love the rose note, despite my original prejudice against this overused flower.

write a lyric for the song only you can understand

So hey, I learned a couple of new words today. For instance, Élan means ‘dash; impetuous ardor’, which makes sense, because this song seems to be all about living life to the fullest and making the most out of everything no matter how old you might be:

Riding hard every shooting star Come to life, open mind, have a laugh at the orthodox Come, drink deep let the dam of mind seep Travel with great élan, dance a jig at the funeral

But ‘sedulous mice’? Tuomas, are you high? On a more serious note, Élan… is beautiful, especially the introduction. I love the interaction between the pipes and the piano. I bet this would be a lovely instrumental version and I hope I’ll be able to get the version with 2 cds. I know everyone’s probably hoping to hear more of Floor’s powerful vocals, but I thought she managed to show her versatility here, that she’s not just good at blasting notes and rocking out; she’s good at being lyrically expressive and even then her voice is still strong and well supported. On a more bimbo note, can I just say how magnificent Floor is? Floor is like a gorgeous Amazonian, don’t get me wrong, Annette and Tarja are really beautiful too. Annette has more of the impish look, whereas Tarja is a goddess. *cough* I mean, her looks are more sculptured, kind of more distant-ish at times. But yeah, I really love the lounge singer look that Floor was sporting in this video. Although the video is kind of… cringey. Idk, pyrotechnics in the middle of a railway track looking place? And the guitarist in the middle of an empty pool? Why?? To be honest, this won’t be my favourite song from the album. The chorus is catchy, the melody is very pretty and the instruments are on-point, but this song is super safe. There’s no… unique twist to it or anything. Still, I’m really stoked for Endless Forms Most Beautiful. I especially want to know how the last track The Greatest Show on Earth will sound like, because holy shit, it has a length of 24 minutes. That’s like Art of Life epic. It’s also twice as long as the longest song they currently have. So yeah, March, I’m looking forward to you, and it’s won’t be only because it’ll be the end of my work contract.

Things I Love Thursday

 It’s Thursday once again, so you know what time it is~

My latest obsession after the Pokemon series and Final Fantasy Theatrhythm Curtain Call – Persona Q: Shadow of the Labyrinth~
 The art is adorable~! The gameplay, so far, is fascinating, though it can be quite repetitive.

Anyway, Persona Q (PQ) is a fan game, in the sense that if you ever wondered what it would be like if the characters from Persona 3 and 4 met up and how they could possibly interact and work with each other, well, wonder no more because you can play it for real. I also found the dungeon crawling aspect to be quite interesting, considering how it’s Etrian Odyssey using PQ characters. The story line is pretty intriguing – you and your friends are transported to another world and you need to find a way to get back home. And along the way, you stumble upon two individuals who have lost their memories and you decide that you’ll help them get back too. I like the fact that there is an actual story line to follow through and the dialogue/cut scenes in the game are really cute and funny :D

I think I can easily sink over 50+ hours in this game, considering how long I’ve been playing it, and my progress is still kind of slow, since I want to get a 100% completion rate for everything.

I… also feel like getting a PS Vita just to play Persona 3 and 4 =.= not that I should buy a new console just to play some games… I’m supposed to be saving money, not buying unnecessary things.

Some real life stuff:
 – Hung out with my old fellow temps last week! :DDD Timbre @ The Arts House is like our go-to place now, since we’ve hung out there together so many times already. It was awesome~ talking crap about mundane events in our lives, judging old men who perv on young women, giggling over the most random things and failing math together~

– My co-worker is coming back next week! Best week of the month so far, because I’m going out of my mind with work these days, basically it feels like I’m drowning and he’s my lifeboat. Not that we don’t pester him constantly over Whatsapp already, but it’s so good to know that someone dependable is going to be around for the entire workday.

– Went on a little Sephora spree with the clique people~ I didn’t really buy anything because my Life’s Entropy order just came in a week or so ago, and I just bought stuff from Limnit Lipsticks and I really don’t need more make up because I’m always too lazy to put anything on my face in the mornings. Like, I need that extra 20 minutes of sleep, and I’m always running late already. And also, dark purple lipstick? Not entirely work appropriate. But still, I got teal lipstick and it’s making its way over here and I’m gonna rock that teal shade so hard. In my own house. The real purpose of the trip was to help someone start their own make up collection, and damn, it’s fun recommending stuff to people.

– Nightwish’s new single is coming out tomorrow! :D Enough said, it’s going to be epic! Also, tomorrow is our company’s Eat with your Family Day, which means I can go back an hour earlier! Fuck yes, people.

In other news, Last Week Tonight is back and yup, definitely more of the same stuff going on there, John Oliver delivers.

Normally I wouldn’t bother posting things like what I watch on Youtube on a mundane basis, but hey, Jack is nearly at 100! Respect for sticking to things for so long.

And now, I’m gonna go faceplant into my bed and try not to groan at the thought of waking up at 6:30 tomorrow.

the cat is away

So the terrible boss from the depths of hell (yeah, I exaggerate, she could be way worse, but at the moment, she’s the suckiest boss I’ve ever had.) is away on leave for 2 weeks~ :D Ah, life is good. It could have been better, as she wanted to take an entire month off but the bigger bosses wouldn’t let her because even though she’s not really doing any work, they still need her to be around, doing her job.

At least her being away for this two weeks would be a breather for some of us. I actually get on pretty okay with her when I’m sitting next to her and I think I know how to handle her. Basically, she’s an auntie. One of those nosy, kiasu aunties who thinks she’s right and you’re wrong just because of your position and age, and when she wants something done, she wants it done her way and immediately.

I’m good at the whole ‘nod and make agree-ing noises’ because that’s what you do around aunties, and that’s how I handle my own mother when she annoys the shit out of me and I can’t argue with her, so I just pretend to agree and then do whatever I want after that. It’s just one of them Slytherin things.

Unfortunately, B2 didn’t manage to maintain his cool and he had a slight disagreement with the boss and well, I’m the last man standing among the three of us. But granted, I do see where he’s coming from, especially since he’s really fighting against time and the boss keeps asking him to do useless inane things that she could have done by herself and she messed up on some stuff that basically added more work to his plate, in which he has to juggle between her and another boss. So yeah, I guess he had a meltdown coming up, but I don’t think venting your anger out on your boss is the right method. I guess B1 and B2 just don’t do what I do, rant and swear on Twitter, ahaha. Seriously, for as long as I’m working here, my Twitter will have to be locked just in case someone stumbles on it or something.

Happily (N)ever After

Heeey, it’s been a week of surprise hiatus. Surprise in the sense that I didn’t mean to take a break, but then somehow I just didn’t feel like writing anything. Not even on other social media platforms, of which I mean angsting on Twitter.

Everything has an ending – living things, the earth we’re on, the entire universe, abstract concepts. Things somehow just have a finite lifespan and most of the time, endings aren’t great. Even good endings are bittersweet at most. And happy endings? Only exist in some tales. Real life isn’t forgiving enough.

So yeah, kid!me was all about the happy endings, but teen!me went through a bout of the whole ‘darkness is beauty, death is the only truth’ kind of mindset, and any sort of happy endings were seen as a cop out, that the creator was a pansy who couldn’t handle the harsh truth about life, that happiness is only momentary, and eventually something will push us out of that blissful state and ultimately the misery you feel will be worse because you now know how it feels to be happy.

And idk, I guess the me now wants more happy endings just because if I can’t be happy in my own life, or maybe never going past that contented stage, I want fictitious characters to be happy at least. In the sense that I can live vicariously through them and enjoy the fact that they get the good outcomes and in the moment that we leave them behind, life is good. Yeah, I still subscribe to the notion that there is no such thing as a ‘happily ever after’, I go for the ‘happy for now’ route, because let’s be realistic, no one can be happy 24/7, good things don’t happen every single day, unless you’re drinking vats of Felix Felicis.

And the thing about endings is one major reason why I love fanfiction/other types of fanworks and video games with many different outcomes depending on your actions. Fanfiction, when properly written, gives you the answer to all the ‘what-ifs’ and ‘maybes’. It is a tool to change the endings if you didn’t like what the creator had done originally. Of course, by no means is the fan written work canon, but it’s cathartic in its own way, to know that you can change the ending of the work, though I guess you’re betraying the creator’s artistic vision. As for games with multiple endings, I like the fact that you get to make choices and each choice affects the ending you get ultimately, and there’s always good and bad endings; it’s like telling you that hey, you can make things wrong, the characters can have their ‘happily for now’ ending if you just make all the right decisions and maybe no one will have to die. Except sometimes, no matter what, all roads lead to death.